Pretzel Me, Daddy

So ignoring the fact I haven’t written a post or even posted a story for two whole months :/, I shall be giving my opinion on sex positions, which to be honest I have not done many so this is literally just me saying what I like.

While also introducing my current squeeze; I’m in an exclusive ‘thing’ at the moment with the loveliest sexiest boy and getting it good on the regular (which probs explains my lack of posting, because good sex is not an entertaining story).

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Me and this boy have got ourselves in a nice routine now and our sex life basically consists of 4 positions with blowjobs thrown in of course ;)

1. Missionary

So this boy is actually Thursday boy on my last blog post, who was very vanilla with his missionary-love-making. You’ll be ecstatic to hear that he has definitely moved past that, and in fact is probably what we do least often, mainly I feel like with us, it’s quite awkward for our bodies. He does do a nice thing where he tilts on his side and works away with a hip down, which hits a new angle and that’s lovely.

2. Me on top

Probably actually our most frequent one, since that’s just what morphs from us kissing. We line up well so I tend to stay kissing and riding low, tuck my knees in and twerk. It tends to be the one that can make him finish quite quickly if I go fast which is a lovely confidence boost. I also do enjoy when he sits up and just cradles me in his arms while I’m on top, because I feel like I get ridiculously close to him.

3. Plank on top

Me, face down, hips up, him behind pulling my hair, and I’m a happy girl. Definitely my favourite position, especially when he turns my head to kiss me because he’s sweet like that.

4.Me just having a wank?

So we haven’t got the making-me-cum down pat yet, which I don’t expect anyway, so we have a routine of me on my back while I fiddle with my clit, him either choking, hitting and kissing me, or he kneels up and sticks his dick in my mouth. Either way, very hot. He still absolutely does foreplay on me and has tried the toys on me, but nothing is working so we stick to what we know. Won’t lie, wish he would do a tiny bit of dirty talk while he’s half-watching me get off but I understand that’s a very awkward thing to do in the moment so I won’t demand.

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And to quickly summarise my opinion on others: the UK's top 10 favourite positions (thank u Sun magazine, you piece of trash)

Eagle

This is just missionary right? Pretentious

69

Always a fun one, but really it depends on the bloke's ball aesthetics and pube maintenance if I'm willing to look at that for a while. Also don't see how you can possibly finish in this position, like I'm busy?!?!?

Reverse Cowgirl

Always seems like so much more effort than girl on top, and while I'm sure I look sexy as hell riding, always a bit awkward seeing a guy's straight legs underneath

Standing

...how? Like surely you've got to be the perfect height to do this and I just don't get how you can lean on each other so much without collapsing in a heap

Lotus

So sitting-up girl on top? How is this a lotus? Disagree

Spooning

Not a fan. I feel like whenever my face is away, I can stick my face into a pillow and get pounded, and that's nice. Whereas I don't really know what to do in this position. Makes sense since I don't actually like spooning-cuddling.

Doggy

Used to love but now definitely prefer the plank. I always feel like I'm chasing the dick backwards and it is a very impersonal position. Yet fairs, I wouldn't say no, just meh.

Pretzel

I have only done this a few times and find it so awkward because I'm squished up against the headboard usually and it gets rather sweaty in the join of our genetalia :). So actually, don't pretzel me, daddy.

So to summarise; I’m a lazy fuck in bed. In truth, when I look at spicy and popular sex positions, they seem either like I do not have the flexibility for them, not enough space/muscle to move while in that position, or a large number which end up with the backs of balls in my face… something I don’t think I will enjoy. I think I would be more into the incorporation of toys and the slightly more BDSM aspect of sex, than trying out all these positions. If it ain’t broke, darlings.

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When we’re less busy, there’s plans to ride him on a chair in front of a mirror, may or may not have told him about this yet but hey ho. As for future blog posts, when I’m less poor I really want a clit sucker thing and I’m seeing if I can convince him to wear a vibrating cock ring I can grind on. Please, if there is a God.

This is a quite self-gratifying post which tbh, doesn’t contribute to actually sharing any useful knowledge but sure tough luck, I don’t know what else to talk about.

Having a lovely non-hard up time,

Hardup gal x