It’s probs you, definitely is me

So I’ve alluded to this, but never outright said it... no one has ever made me come (cum, orgasm, reach nirvana etc). I can get myself with clit action absolutely wonderfully and often embarrassingly quick, but a boy touches me and nope. As I have said, I’m not sensitive in my supposedly “sensitive areas”, even with the nipple piercings being back but have a very specific finger action that works, which of course no one can replicate. So, having shagged only boys, is it me or them?

I masturbate… rather a lot. I’d say at my peak, I can go three times a day every day, but mostly it's three in a row like twice a week. I think this is perfectly healthy and normal and I don’t think my wanking is the problem. I have however, thought the fact that I can get myself off soooo easily (we’re talking under a minute here), is negatively impacting my boy-sex life. If I’m so good at it, how is anyone else supposed to compete? After research, of which I’m not impressed that there is a heavy focus on male over-masturbation, it seems most disagree with that.

Saying that, the last two weeks I’ve been having very very good sex, and wow he’s good at everything and I’m getting eaten out a lot and all is fab. But, no O. He even got me to use the rabbit on myself while he was feeling me up and that was soooo good. But no O. And this occasion, I definitely felt myself getting there, and worked really hard towards it, but I gave up in the end. So, I summarised it must be a mental block. However, in this scenario, me knowing the problem doesn’t help me in any way. Genuinely, I think at some point down the line, I’ll need therapy or a conscious effort from myself to get over that hill, but for now… I’ll keep enjoying myself. I’m a firm believer that sex is what you make of it, and just because the sensation isn’t there, doesn’t mean I’m not having a fab time.

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Right so, having just established I’m a problem here, does not mean I’m letting these silly boys off the hook. I’m now at the late-20s of different partners, and honestly I can’t remember the vast majority of them in bed, but I do know the vast majority of them cannot finger a girl. The few times I’ve received oral, honestly it’s never been that bad. But the fingers… oh dear lord. Of course, I’m only going off what I can feel, and maybe some girls like the following techniques, but they’re a no for me. So here’s my what-to-do...

• Leave the labia be. I don’t understand its purpose either pal.

• Make some kind of purposeful movement. I totally like the soft touches and the gentle circling, but it needs to build to something, i.e. fingers in or a good strum.

• Please do try for the g-spot. I don’t really know where it is, but curled fingers are always good and you’ll find something wayyy easier than straight.

• Pay attention. When it comes to fingers in, some may like a finger bang, some may like more of a stroke inside. Any good woman will give you clues… maybe :/

• Don’t be scared of the clit. I think the guitar strum analogy is a good one- firm but not hard and movement. I find middle finger works well.

I don’t 100% blame boys for this. For example, I watch plenty of straight porn, my blowjobs are amazing. Not a whole lot of fingering in mainstream porn is there?… and where else are you supposed to learn techniques, I guess other than experience. Not that porn should be where people get their pleasure teaching, and that if you watch loads you’re magically good at sex. But my point is, female pleasure is very woman-only-led, whereas I feel like male pleasure is all-led. I mean, even sex ed could help here; teach the boy who was rubbing my perineum when I was 17 that my vagina is a bit higher up love xoxo.

I also think there is complacency from women sometimes, that we are so honoured to be getting foreplay in the first place, we feel a bit awkward asking specifically for what we want. Coupled with that is the precious male ego. Ok, that’s mean, but there is an expectation that lads are supposed to know what they’re doing from day one, yet girls are allowed to be the shy and curious learning type. So, asking for help to know what to do makes you less of a man? Not sure where I’m going with this point. Anyway, thank you to a friend who brought these issues to my attention :).

Another friend also brought up a terrifying statistic; 65% of straight women climax, yet 86% of lesbian sex results in climax. So isn’t that proof that female genitals aren’t the problem. And don’t even try with the “but girls know how it works more”, because my personal sample size shows some guys don’t even bother. I put up a story about it, but the boy before this one, didn’t touch me, and I had to ASK! Some real bullshit. I think it's a mix of both; all these societal expectations on men, as well as the impression that I get, that men treat me as a hole and men are trash etc etc.

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In summary, right now I’m getting excellent sex, so not hard up, but I still think sex could do with some bettering.