1, 2, 3?

It’s threesome talk baaaaby. Menages á trois have always held a very abstract appeal for me; a girl getting spit-roasted in porn and I was like eh that’ll do me, and I get myself off. In reality, guys aren’t particularly keen on MFM, male-female-male, (or it can be said as MMF, or maybe FMM? Does it matter?) and instead prefer the inverse of FMF. So, should I start considering taking part in one? I’ve been experimenting more recently (bondage review coming at some point I swear!), but I have been finding it a little boring, and it’s always fun setting yourself targets xoxo.

Here is a super handy table of my very important preliminary opinions on the topic:

Looking at the realities of what might actually happen, I knew that while I could pretend to be all blasé about this, I know myself and I would have to set myself a few constraints.

• The other girl needs to be on the same scale of attractiveness as I- bigger boobs, smaller bum obvs. I mean let’s not get too psycho-analytical about this, but I’m not sure if that is more telling of my own insecurities, or the idea that I’m trying to please the male in this, i.e. with my juicy ass and small boobs, he gets to have best of both worlds. Heaven forbid if it’s a bloody blonde (I’m brunette). Won’t lie, not sure I love my theoretical pandering to the male gaze but I digress.

• I also can’t be too invested in the guy because I would get butthurt at the sight of him shagging another bird. Recently I have found myself caring less and less about boys and feelings are getting harder to catch, which is maybe not amazing for my emotional well-being but fab for threesome prospects.

The latter of which is probs more important, so enter the boy I’m currently shagging. This boy is also the reason why I’ve been so quiet btw, not bc I’ve fallen madly in love, but the opposite. We’ve been having mediocre sex for a few weeks and by god I do not like him. He doesn’t cuddle, he talks at me, about stuff that I don’t particularly wanna hear, and I just don’t think we’re that compatible at the shagging itself. However, we’ve gotten ourselves a nice little arrangement of not getting feelings attached or texting, but experimenting without our pants on. Now while I could go on about how he’s selfish with sexting sessions, but at the end of the day we serve a purpose for each other. It is precisely due to the fact that I don’t like this bloke, yet know him, that I think now is the best time for a threesome. We know each other’s likes and dislikes so I’m thinking that would negate as much awkwardness as possible. I’m actually moving out of this city in 3 months so I absolutely do not want feelings getting caught.

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So I brought this up to the bloke, to which he was too keen, but I’m the one to be hunting for the girl. I suggested one of his other shags he has on the go, but he wants to “keep us separate”... that absolutely feels misogynistic but also maybe that just makes me feel icky? So he suggested making a tinder to be viewed by girls with both our pictures on it, explaining what we want. I mean, I assume that’s what most people looking a threesome nowadays do, in today’s world of being IMPOSSIBLE to pull anyone when you’re out out. Yet, it feels so… skeevy. Like these girls are looking for romance or a hook up with a girl and instead they get me and muggins over here. In terms of sexuality, I refuse to believe anyone is 100% hetero, yet I really have no desire to touch another girl, so it would be false advertising? But it’s not because I’ll explain in the bio what’s going on? You see why the title is what it is.

We did sort of semi-agree to do one of each, find a girl first and then do a boy after, so double penetration is one tinder bio away. I said girl first because like everyone, I can be awkward having sex with people and two boys in one go? Oh lordy I would die. But I still want those DICKS. I mean I haven’t tried double penetration with a toy penis and a flesh penis yet, so maaaybe should do that first.

Yeah, writing this, I still don’t know what I’m going to do. This bloke is very very unreliable so the likelihood of this actually happening is slim, but a bored me can think all the thoughts I want.

Hard-up ish but feeling too meh to do anything about it.