Fuck you x

Aaaand this is the blog post in which I share how I caught gonorrhea. There's obviously a stigma around discussing STIs and testing, and so I hope my experience helps dismantle that a little, without glorifying it, obviously. I also hope my anger towards the whole situation can be lessened; it was almost two years ago, let's pray me writing this is cathartic as hell.

Let's begin with the boy which the title is directed towards. We met off tinder, had a nice drink and had nice normal sex, and he stayed the night. There was definite persuasion on his behalf to come over, but I caved fairly easily. After that, of course *rolls eyes*, it was a lot harder to get a text or meet up with him, but I persevered and we had sex three more times over the space of a few months. Neither of us were looking for anything outside the bedroom; I just wanted a shag, I think he was bored of me but I was clearly easy pussy :). Considering his dick was remarkably of smaller stature (I can't remember too well, but we're talking maybe 4 inches?), he used it very well, gave alright foreplay, would tolerate cuddle and pillow talk after, so all in all, it was never bad. However, the last time we had sex, I have no memory of it because I was too drunk, which I have never been in my life, so that did make me feel a little uneasy.

*Again, I'd like to reassure male readers of my opinion; it is never about size, all about how you use it, and you can trust me, 18-ish dicks in.*

So, the night of transmission was actually on shag #3; I know this because it was anal. Being one of 'those' boys, he didn't like using condoms of course, and tried to persuade me to go without. I always said no; I was on the pill so babies were unlikely but STIs are always the concern. (I'll be doing a protection and contraception post soon). But for some reason, I let him in for my first time anal without a condom?!?!? Where was my logic? And a month later, during a routine check-up, I found out that I had caught gonorrhea in my butt and of course knew the only culprit. I texted him the oh so happy news; he claimed he didn't have any symptoms- you dumb fuck- thus claimed it wasn't him, and proceeded to delete me off all socials.

When I got the phone call, I was having quite a good day; and then I was devastated. I've never been ashamed of it, god knows I don't get embarrassed by much, but it shocked me and I was hurt by it. I arranged to get treatment at the hospital a week later; injection of antibiotics in your buttcheek btw, and a few weeks later I was clean again. The process of getting the treatment wasn't difficult, but it did take forever because NHS. The worst bit was when I had to say boys' names, in case they would come in and get treated and so to catch the chain (there was a boy inbetween transmission and results, who thank god didn't get it).

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While I'm aware there are some readers who will disagree with me; I take partial responsibility. We had discussed that he hadn't been tested, he didn't often use condoms, so I was fully aware of the chances, but obviously a little dumb at the time. There is however, absolutely no excuse for blocking me and the problem, which is what I get most angry over. I want to portray that I'm not shaming the boy for having the STI, it was the reaction to it after. He actually requested to follow me on Insta again about a year ago and HAHAHAH no. I am curious if he ever got tested and treated, since these things don't go away on their own, but not curious enough to allow any contact with me.

I believe my anger is justified and I believe I was the 'victim', but I wouldn't say my life has been overly affected by it. I actually caught warts a year prior to that, it was gross, in a very minor dubious-consent scenario and that was emotionally tougher, which I won't be going into. I've still never been ashamed by it, and if nothing else, it's a life experience. It's rather cliché, but you know, it could happen to anyone... and it did. To me. And yeah, it happened.

In conclusion, I think I'm getting over the whole sitch, and oh yeah, I'm still not really hard up x