All aboard at the menstruation station!

*Announcement*- periods are a pile of bullshit fueled by continuing patriarchal values, but that is definitely not a topic for a sex blog; what is however, is how we deal with them for our sexy times. This week, first I shall delve into, birth control and period products to better facilitate said shagging, and second, period shagging itself.

~Warning! I'm about to graphically describe periods so please do not be eating and reading~

My experiences with the menstrual cycle have been pretty chill; no cramps, no mad period poos, but I can be slightly on the heavier side and when I was 13 I started chundering every month, so I started microgynon (combined pill). I was on that for 6 years and I'm part of the few where the hormones didn't upset me in any way. However, I decided I was over having a period; enter the progesterone-only implant.

Now, on the pill, I was never using it for stopping babies because I never bothered to take it at the same time every day, so with the implant, not only would that be taken care of, the possibility of finishing my period once and for all was imminent. Yeah...no. For 9 long months, I was bleeding for about 6 weeks at a time and then a few weeks off and then back again. It wasn't full-on red clots, but more like the brown stuff of the final few days of your cycle; either way, not great. Thus in all this time, every single time I had sex, I was on my period. I wasn't eaten out in NINE MONTHS! For a few months of that, I was on all-white sheets and because I get really really freaked out with fluids on sheets, that occupied my mind while I was supposed to be fawning over biceps and dicks (no spillages tho- what a result).

So, then, I got my implant out and have been on the patch ever since. The patch;

this is what dreams are made of. It's the same drugs as the combined pill, estrogen and progesterone, but I basically stick a sticker on me once a week for 3 weeks, have a bloody off-week and I forget all about it. I place it near my landing strip just so it doesn't get in the way of clothes or my thicc ass, and honestly, the only downfall is that at the end of the week, the edges of the sticky stuff start collecting dust and it gets a little bit manky. I could have actually chosen the vaginal ring instead, which is quite self-explanatory; a plastic ring you shove in your vag every week but then that would mean I'd have something in me 24/7 (see below) and surely that ain't right?

So my experience has shown that, get the implant if the hormones work for you, but I'd heartily recommend the patch.

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To another thing that changed my life; the menstrual cup. I've had two since I started 4 years ago, meaning I've only spent £50 on period products in these years, and almost zero waste. I get it, it's gross, but imo, it's no grosser than tampons. Here's how it works; chop off the stem, you don't need it, give it a wash with soap and water without drying it, fold it into a c-shape and shove it up. It sits lower than a tampon so the cup is wider, and you need to make sure the cup is fully opened and sunctioned to your vag walls. Leave it in for max 12 HOURS, I've only ever overflowed twice, then squat over the toilet and take it out. Here's the trick; squeeze the bottom of the cup to release it and try your best to keep it upright before upturning down the toilet. It may be a little... stringy, but you get quite good at getting rid of most of the clotty bits with toilet paper and then just rinsing it out in the sink. I very rarely get any on my hands before I wash it with soap and water and up it goes again. No leaks, no worries allll day, and yes, it's not great in a public bathroom but it's rare you wouldn't be in a private bathroom in the mornings and evenings. I have become a master at insertion and extraction so nowadays it doesn't bother me.

In terms of sex, there is a different type of cup that you can have sex with it in, since it sits out of the way? I will absolutely be trying it out at some point, once I get over myself and get back into the dating thing :/

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Now, for everyone's favourite section- the actual sex. I've never actually had sex in full-swing of my period because the mess, but whenever it's been my lighter days, the best advice I could give is to stick to one position and do not go on top.. because gravity. I also don't think I receive that much foreplay usually, which I understand but it's a bit sad. Wet wipes are also very handy ofc, but I sort of treat it like normal sex, with the added stress of thinking about it. The beauty of the patch is that I can delay my period for a week easy if I know I'm going to get some, but AS WE ALL KNOW boys are useless at planning so it's not something to be done the day of.

Well, that was a short paragraph. I think period sex is something I don't particularly hate or love so it's just something to deal with. This post in particular would benefit from interaction, so please, tell me your top tips, ask me your questions. This is a topic that needs way less stigma attached, so help me normalise it!

In conclusion, l've actually just been ghosted hard (hot goss!), so my current frustration outweighs any hard-up-ness x